There is a different way of leading than what we have learned.
First things first, Feminine Leadership has nothing to do with women who lead and men who follow, even though that’s not excluded. It has to do with a new way of leading, thinking, and communicating, which calls for balance, the unearthing of shadows, and the acknowledgment that nobody is infallible.
Feminine Leadership: Why we need more of it?
Because we have been living in a paradigm that´s neither healthy for men nor women on a political, economic, and individual level. 2020 has shown us what doesn´t work anymore, and we have the rare chance to actively participate in a shift in society now that will resolve a myriad of problems.
Feminine Leadership vs Female Leadership
Female Leadership is about women leading and taking up more space. We need more of that, yes. But just because a woman takes up more space and leads, it does not mean that the leadership changes. Women who strive to be in positions as men, often start to act like men.
They can be as nasty of a b**ch as a man who can´t control his temper. Sometimes even worse. Men, most of the time are openly manipulative. Women can be very hideous in their way of manipulation.
Feminine Leadership is about a different way of leading. It calls for an outer balance between genders, but also for an inner balance between the masculine and feminine qualities inside of us.
Brooke Cagle via Unsplash
What are Feminine Qualities?
Feminine Leadership honors intuition and emotions as a pathway to insight and inspiration, as much as strategy and goal setting. The difference to Female Leadership is that Feminine Leadership comes from a place of holistic values and balance between body and mind.
It comes from a place that honors the collective over the individual. It honors relaxation as much as activation. It recognizes the power behind the often discarded feminine gifts. In a society that is severely out of balance, the overcompensation of masculine qualities has led to a 60% burn-out rate in employees, worldwide climate catastrophes, and a political order that´s a joke.
When the masculine says “Be strong, suck it up, don´t show emotions, disregard the warning signals of your body” (see my article about Burn-Out here), the feminine says “Take rest, honor your body and listen to the wisdom within. Come back tomorrow, when your energy reserves are full again.”
Manifesting instead of Hustling
To the over-achievers, high-performers, and for excellence strivers it might feel like a slap in the face to actually sit down and rest, to give in to ‘weakness’, to actually listen to what the body has to say. See my article “Why Alingnment is the new Hustle”.
Too many of us have been taught to never stop. When an overly driven masculine culture that never rests, never retreats, and never gives up, has taught us to always want more, never be satisfied with what we have, and always strive for external validation, the feminine way seems like an impossibility.
To the overachiever, the feminine way seems to be an impossibility. It seems to be a lack of power. Which is far from the truth.
The Power of Softskills
Now listen. You can not be creative, without dropping into the feminine. You can’t heal, without dropping into the feminine. You can’t find new inspiration, without the feminine. You can’t sustain long-lasting relationships, without the feminine. You can´t find Joy, without the feminine. You can´t relax, without the feminine.
The feminine quality in us stands for creativity, psychological safety, inner strength, human connection, feeling, flow, and insight — in short Softskills and Creativity.Which are all born out of Relaxation. When the body is relaxed and the mind is still, it´s about the journey not about the destination.
This is why so-called “Flow States” produce immense results in a short amount of time because the flow is feminine. There is no do-to list to check off, but only a step into the momentary genius zone, where everything is available and neither thoughts nor resources have to be wasted. It’s created out of pure presence. The zero point.
Feminine Impact in Leading Businesses
A research study from Havard Business Review has shown that women outperformed men in a whopping 17 out of 19 key leadership traits. However, until today only 4.9% of Fortune 500 CEOs and 2% of S&P 500 CEOs are women. And only 4.94% of female founders are backed by Venture Capital, compared to their 95% male peers.
Why are feminine qualities more important than ever in business? Because the feminine way is what fosters connection, sustainability, and core values — versus masculine ideas to build fast, sell fast, burn-out fast.
If you have a creative genius in your team, they rely on the feminine already. They won´t bang out the best results by sitting 8h at the desk straight. They might go for a walk and come back with a multi-million-dollar idea. They are “in spirit” — inspired! And spirit flows when there is room for movement, flexibility, and silence.
If you have several women in your team, you certainly noticed that they often have personal talks. Personal small talk is not superficial. It´s an important ingredient to bonding and thus makes any daily chore more enjoyable and light. All work becomes meaningless, if the connection between the team members is not there, no matter how great the vision or the brand is. Human connection elevates a product, not just an amazing strategy! And women are masters at creating a connection.
There is a lot of power behind a unity mindset and heartset broadcasting a collective vision out to the world.
The Feminine Way of Leading
Brene Brown´s book “Dare to Lead” puts an emphasis on leaning in, being vulnerable even in meetings, and accepting that everyone messes up at times. These are feminine qualities. They don´t come easy to men especially not in a business context, but they can be learned, on both sides. Brown works with organizations and companies to facilitate new ways of communication, is a researcher and an author.
Brown advocates having open conversations to dissolve shame and be more authentic with one another. If there’s psychological safety in a room, being vulnerable offers a space to speak the truth and to transform obstacles into stepping stones.
By letting people in, colleagues feel more connected, understand each other better, and are therefore better prepared to support each other and hence the company. They get a chance to do better work, understand their shortcomings, and create better results as a team, which includes team leaders as well as employees! We are humans, after all, nobody is infallible.
Ending Toxic Masculinity
What we see in the world right now is a thriller of Toxic Masculinity. Even more so with Cororona giving it the last crowning before the toxicity finally spills over and turns into gold.
Toxic masculine traits, which are all part of the wounded masculine (check that out in relationship coaching), include being controlling, abusive, deceitful, aggressive, narcissistic, competitive, into power games, addicted to porn, avoidant to healing trauma, easily triggered, irresponsible, openly or suppressed angry, too much head without the heart, dependent on ego gratification.
Awakened masculine traits, which are part of a whole person, include being cooperative, transparent, open to other people´s viewpoints, vulnerable, respectful, self-reflective, understanding, connecting head and heart, self-reliant, a clear communicator, responsible for your actions, in service to your core values and other people´s well-being.
Let´s face it, we all have some of these traits in us, light and dark, depending on who triggers us. Duh.
Healing Wounded Femininity
Of course, one side of the scale does not come without the other, and if we want to enter a new era of living and being, both in private as well as in business, we need to look at the wounded feminine as well.
Wounded feminine traits include being insecure, needy, co-dependent, manipulative, overly emotional, stuck in victimhood, passive-aggressive, over-explaining, people-pleasing, powerless, fearful of being abandoned, and having a lack of self-worth, lack of boundaries, repressing your truth and voice.
Awakened feminine traits include being authentic, open, free-flowing, radiant, vulnerable, strong, with clear boundaries, a community creator, loving and supportive, intuitive and creative, confident in the body, able to ask for what you need, joyful about the process of creation, clairvoyant, able to listen.
Let´s face it, we all have some of these traits in us, light and dark, depending on who triggers us. Duh.
Masculine and Feminine Qualities in Balance
We need both, masculine and feminine qualities, to move forward. What Feminine Leadership offers is a balance between masculine and feminine traits. It´s a call for balance in leadership, as well as a call for more women leading from their feminine qualities, more men supporting women in their pursuit, as well as equal leadership teams: a man and a woman who act complementary in their job. Balance.
Feminine Leadership promotes a balance in how we interact with each other. It´s a return to our intrinsic nature. Because the wounded and toxic aspects of the feminine and masculine only emerged out of a patriarchal society that honors false strength and disregards inner power as ‘weakness’.
These feminine qualities that have been pushed aside over years are the same ones that make women lead companies more successfully, sustainably, and satisfying for their employees.
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